Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
