I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize