you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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