I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
