Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
