What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
barbara walters just said penis...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
