I must be too annoying 4 u.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
