drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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