Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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