there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
