Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
