So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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