I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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