So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
