Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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