Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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