so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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