Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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