is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
