He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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