I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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