Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
