I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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