I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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