I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize