i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
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When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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