Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
