So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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