and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
