I wish I could punch you in the face.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
