after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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