words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
