I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
