He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
