oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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