I looked at my own cervix.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
