it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
