my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
