How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
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I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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