Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
