is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
