I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
