You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
