I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
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thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You don't make any sense
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