Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
