I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
