she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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