Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
