He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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