I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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