Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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