i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
