Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
