I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
