Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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