I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
