He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
