Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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