My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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