It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
