he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
