we made out on top of his cat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
