so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize