I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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