My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
do herpes really smell.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
