I'm drive I can fine osifer
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
