I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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