It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
