Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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