He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
