My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
