be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
