At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
