I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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